I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job
We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, "By the way, which companies are after you?"
I responded, "The gas, electric and cable company"
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Fun fact you can’t breath while smiling.
Just kidding I just wanted to make you smile :)
I found someone else's ID on the floor last week.
Oh well, new year, new me!